Summary Verbal Judo the Gentle Art of Persuasion by George J Thompson Jerry B Jenkins
[Nov 2018 update: I just noticed there'south a 2nd Edition. Please notation that my review is for the Start; I have not read the Second, so please do non be discouraged from reading that because of my review.] This is material I need to recommend; I merely tin can't recommend this book. At to the lowest degree not to my friends, not to the people I hang out with or intendance virtually. Read Nonviolent Advice instead. Please. Verbal Judo is... disturbing. It's about communication, but the undertone is well-nigh lying and pretending to empathize in society to become people to do what you desire: Halfway through the book, I almost abased it. I was feeling upset, dejected, cheapened. Simply I persisted, picking it up again afterward a day. At present I don't know. My all-time estimate is that the writer has developed compassion, has grown into a decent human being, just is using a gruff tone to reach a coarser target audience. Bubbas for whom "mind" is a four-letter of the alphabet discussion. This is an all-macho book. Mayhap he's hoping to civilize a few people past surprise? I don't know. I'll promise that'southward information technology, and wish him well. There is important material in Verbal Judo: stuff that is critically important to know to lead a ameliorate life. Only to my friends and loved ones: delight read Marshall Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication. That's about being a amend person, developing ameliorate relationships, about caring. Not only pretending."The other person volition believe you lot're trying to understand. Whether you really are interested is irrelevant." (p.81)
Later reading some reviews I actually wanted to honey this volume. In fact, I immediatly marched out and purchased it as soon as I heard of it. As a professional working in the behavioral wellness field I was excited to get a text that utilized a practical rather than soley theoretical viewpoint. I institute neither a practical "street smart" or empirically based material in this book. Perhaps 10 out of over 200 pages really covers any existent skills or techniques. The rest is bravado, some honest cocky reflection that doesn't seem like intentional teaching moments, and attempts to persuade the authors principal market, police officers. The stories almost the hostage taker and the homo who near took his ain life in a bathroom tub were horrifying. It was non horrifying because of the way he laid out the narrative. I was scared that he may take been so callous and misguided to speak to people in crisis the way he did. The idea of utilizing empathy as a springboard in crisis is audio. The problem is that this author doesn't explain or seem to empathize what the concepts mean other than equally buzzwords. This could have been a memoir about a homo's search for personal transformation and modify, merely that is as far is it goes.
I picked this book up at work one night while rotating through what seemed like endless constant observation of patients, one subsequently the other, through the night. In my job working with psychiatric patients, words are important and can hateful the difference between calming a volatile state of affairs or blowing information technology up into something violent, unpredictable and dangerous. And so I was intrigued past a number of articles I read in Psychiatric Times that all pointed to this book and the concepts it teaches in order to gain voluntary compliance in tough situations. I've been noticing recently that many times when talking to patients, my intentions and their results are often wildly divergent. I realize that some of this is due to my audience- you lot tin can't wait reason from those suffering through acute psychosis or the effects of alcohol or narcotics withdrawl. Nevertheless, after careful introspection and examination, I concluded that much of the blame for situations that erupted in physical confrontation lay with me and the way in which I approached a person in distress, my physical demeanor and oft my speech. Then with that in heed, I started reading this volume and it was an eye opener. The author is an ex University professor of rhetoric who left that position to go a cop in LA, so he has both the classical educational activity in advice and the practical knowledge of someone who must, literally, speak correctly to stay alive. He outlines a very simple program that stresses always keeping some emotional distance between yourself and your words; knowing your audience well enough to guess what might work and what won't; outlining exactly those phrases that intend to quell an intense situation just instead inflame it; and in a higher place all else, in well-nigh situations, will allow a person to comply with your wishes without losing face. Before even finishing the book, I had an opportunity one morning to put it into do. A patient was agitated and nothing much seemed to become through to him. Every bit the nurses were getting medication set up, I approached the homo and started talking to him using some of the tools that Thompson outlines to cut through a verbal tirade and get him to be tranquility and listen to me. I wasn't confident that it would work, although in the past I've been able to stumble through encounters like this and cease upwards at a relatively positive outcome. I was surprised nevertheless at how effectively Thompson's techniques worked to quiet the patient and quell the situation. And then I'yard sold. My next goal is to attempt to utilize these techniques to my interpersonal communication, where it'southward much more difficult to keep a professional person attitude. I'll update...
I'm currently working temporarily as a Military Policeman for the Marine Corps, and this matter called "verbal judo" is frequently mentioned, so I thought I would check out this book. Personally I have a bachelor'southward caste in criminal justice, a few classes in psychology, and I've read books about advice... so I started the book with some formal didactics on interpersonal communication. So did it offer anything insightful or unique? Let'southward see... Well, the first warning sign was the whole "guru" nature of the presentation, which I'm e'er leery about. I cringe when I run into books that say things similar "with my extensive grooming, you can trust that my advice will work for you." One of the first bodily sentences in the volume is this absolutist argument: "Verbal Judo can help in every profession and can greatly raise our personal lives." Hmm... The actual showtime strike was this collection of sentences: The second strike was when he explained the difference between "Nice People, Difficult People, and Wimps." And so a nice person does what you lot enquire if you're in a position of authority, a difficult person fights everything (the author says he's one of these, go figure), and a wimp is a coward who is amusing to your face simply so fights yous backside your back. Alright, concur upward - nothing in life is that elementary. He explains about wimps: STRIP PHRASES: The concluding strike was just affiliate after chapter of acronyms and guru rules (gurules?). He fifty-fifty says, "you'll discover I'm big on acronyms." Well I'm not. I'm in the armed forces and that sh*t is ridiculous. I hate acronyms because they're counter-productive. They are meant to help you remember, just when everything is an acronym, you no longer tin can tell what the acronym is supposed to correspond. Hither's an example, from the Navy: ADCOMSUBORDCOMPHIBSPAC. Anyhow, who e'er legitimately enjoys when some guru gives you lot a new acronym or rule to memorize? Here are some of Mr. Thompson'south rules and acronyms: ... etcetera, etcetera. All of this is fabricated even worse past the unnecessarily verbose writing. That short bullet-indicate list I made upward there would probably have been more useful than the bodily book. The actual substance is minimal, filled with boasts, explanations and stories. This book badly needs an editor with a copy of "Strunk and White: Elements of Way" right next to the keyboard. Basically, "verbal judo" boils downwards to expert use of interpersonal communication, things like empathy and paraphrasing so both parties understand each other. tl;dr: I think the popularity of this volume boils down to this: "Verbal Judo" sounds more badass than "Effective Interpersonal Communication." "I'm a center-anile jock with a scrap on his shoulder who could merely as easily scream in your face and wrestle you to the floor as smiling and at-home the state of affairs with a well-chosen word. Don't I sound like an English Ph.D.? I'm just like you. If I get cut off in traffic, my starting time impulse is revenge."
Yeah, that's non actually like me at all... "If someone barks at me, my showtime reaction is to take his head off... It makes me chuckle to realize how speedily I can shake a fist (or a digit) at another commuter while on my mode to the airport to fly somewhere and teach my form on proper responses to negative situations."
So, this swain only told me he's a jock with poor impulse control, but his stealth boast about how he has a Ph.D is supposed to make me bow earlier his authority on the subject area of interpersonal communication? "When I'g pedagogy Verbal Judo and I hear people mutter, 'That'southward a agglomeration of garbage,' I don't allow it laissez passer. I say, 'Excuse me, what was that yous said? I'd similar to know.' When they try to moving ridge me off or express joy it abroad, I persist. 'No, tell me so I tin can speak to it.' The Wimp has been stripped of his embrace and now he has to put up or shut upwardly. At present he tin can either make a legitimate indicate, ask a question, or shut up. And if he shuts upwards he has lost credibility with his peers. If nil else, that eliminates the sniping. Many think it'due south best to ignore Wimps, but that's just another form of resisting them. Ignored or resisted, they abound stronger. The basic principle hither is to face them honestly. They immediately weaken."
... yeah dude, people aren't stupid. I become it - you don't like people talking behind your back, publicly weakening your position. Nobody likes that... but people at your seminars don't say these things directly to your face because you lot hold all the power there. As soon as you call them out, they get embarrassed, and they know they aren't going to win that fight. It's like when a drill instructor says something forth the lines of "do whatever of you recruits have a problem with [Ten]? If you do, raise your hand. Nobody is raising their easily, so nobody must have a problem with information technology." - It's a lose-lose scenario to exist a "difficult person" in such an instance, so it'south non black and white. Sometimes it's beneficial to be dainty, hard, or even a so-chosen "wimp." People can be dainty to the officer giving them a ticket and still fight them in court. Sorry, let's move on... "I asked to run into his commuter's license and he responded with a bunch of curses. Virtually without thinking, I said, 'Well, I 'preciate that, sir, but I need to see your license.' He kind of laughed me off but produced his license. Later it struck me that my colloquial utilize of the word 'preciate was the key. So I used 'preciate that as what I at present telephone call a 'strip phrase,' a deflector that strips the insult of its power."
... what the f**k? I get information technology, only... okay, moving on...
• PAVPO
• LEAPS
• SAFER
• "My dominion is: Treat everyone the same (with REspect and nobility), but don't talk to everyone the same way"
• "a few unproblematic guidelines for taking criticism" (5 items)
• The Elements of Advice (tone, pace, pitch, modulation)
• "commencement with the Sword of Insertion, a wedge into the harangue like 'Whoa!' or 'Listen!' (spoken earnestly, not in anger) or 'Wait a 2d.'"
• THE ULTIMATE EMPATHETIC SENTENCE: "Let me be sure I heard what you but said."
• "Call back the ancient principle: Wait good, sound good, or no skillful"
• FOURTEEN BENEFITS OF PARAPHRASING
I estimate I was expecting more. The whole book felt like a large promotion to take the guy's seminar. Past page sixty, the author was still going on and on well-nigh how helpful the volume was going to be without having given any helpful data. The actual helpful bits are scattered effectually and take to be gleaned while plowing through a lot of bragging and peacocking behavior. A lot of what the guy tells y'all is mutual sense. Perhaps if you are a very angry male person who has no idea why his wife wants to divorce him and his children recall he's a wiggle, and then it could help. Only, so again, there are a lot of people like that out there so possibly this volume was meant for them.
Dr. Thompson has worked equally an English teacher, a police officer and a consultant. Communication is a major key in his life. As a cop he had to figure out how to go people to comply with lawful directions without resorting to physically making them follow instructions. For example, "I stopped you for speeding sir. Please give me your driver's license, vehicle registration and proof of insurance." "No." Now what? This book discusses things not to say, expressionless end arguments, talking yourself into a corner, and, how to get things done without creating an enemy and using force. This book and its concepts are taught to police officers and teachers. (I was directed to read it through a UCLA form in teaching.) It just might save you from a frustrating experience with a friend, loved one, co-worker, waittress, or complete stranger. (In consummate stranger are another subject field I estimate.)
I read this because information technology was recommended by a friend considering it had some good points. Information technology does, however the skilful points could have been summed upwards in about seven pages.
Okay - the practices are sound. The delivery leaves much to be desired.
Когато започнах да работя със затворници преди няколко години, това доведе до значителни промени в личността ми и начина, по който общувам и гледам на хората. И тия промени бяха към по-добро. Това, на което те учи комуникацията с подобни хора в условията на затвора е скромност и смирение, в най-библейския смисъл на тия думи (всъщност, точно тогава почнах да разбирам за какво изобщо говори библията като ги споменава). Разбира се, може да те научи и на друго - може да те научи да палиш лесно, да избухваш като бомба при най-малка провокация, да си груб и невъзпитан. И доста колеги са точно такива (макар че повечето не са). Освен това (не знам като причина или като резултат) са вечно недоволни мрънкалници. Защото ако не потиснеш егото си в полза на професионализма, ако не спреш да се опитваш да се налагаш над другите като форма на самоактуализация, ако не спреш да приемаш лично неща, които са просто плод на ситуацията - само ще страдаш. Ще страдаш в конкретния момент, ще страдаш в дългосрочен план и много ще страда психичното ти здраве. "Словесно джудо - нежното изкуство на убеждаването" не е написана за нежни хора - написана е от бивш полицай и дава примери главно от неговата полицейска работа. Човекът наистина има докторат по литература, но и черни колани по карате и джудо и не е от хората, които захаросват истината. От професионалната си позиция, намирам написаното в книгата за изключително важно и отговарящо 100% на действителността. Конкретните реплики и техники за убеждаване и деескалиране на ситуации, които авторът дава работят и използването им е много по-подходящо (в професионален и в личностен план) от техниките за употреба на сила или от обикновеното надвикване, в 99% от ситуациите .
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